Aj -- I can totally understand your frustrations as I can remember being there with Honey when she was a “monster puppy”! But I must say a few things:

1) First, I think you might have misunderstood me. I don’t think it’s a good idea if you have to do “5 mins of intense yelling” while your dog is growling back at you!! When I talk about verbal correction, I was thinking more of a sharp word or two in the form of what Dr Ian Dunbar calls “instructive reprimands”. If you’re having to yell at your dog that long -- it is not achieving anything; you are simply venting your frustration on him and yes, it probably is damaging your relationship! So that is not what I am condoning or encouraging in any way. I think if you’re having to do that, then you need to look for other ways to manage/train/discipline Bambi.
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2) I must emphasise that I am NOT a professional dog trainer/behaviourist so I really urge you to get the opinion of one.

But in my book, I would be concerned if my dog was growling at me (unless they are in pain) and that to me is a sign of a potentially “fragile” relationship. I don’t mean that you & Bambi have a “bad” relationship -- especially as he is still young and probably testing boundaries at the moment -- but more that it’s a sign the relationship probably isn’t developing the way it should and may be heading for trouble later. To me, my dog growling at me means that I am not being a good enough leader in their eyes and they don’t trust me enough -- I am not stepping up enough to the leadership role. Especially in a situation such as you described -- when you want to take something off them. Honey never objects when I want to take anything from her -- I can even reach into her mouth and take food out that she is eating. Don’t get me wrong -- I don’t make a habit of doing this just to “prove” my power -- but I have had to do it a few times in the past, eg. when she has picked up a cooked chicken bone when out on our walks and I had to stick my hand into her mouth to grab it out. She just accepts it and has never growled at me or would even dream of it (and I always reward her for letting me do it).

I personally think it is very important that your dog allows you to take things away from them. I don’t mean that you should keep teasing them by taking things away from them on purpose, just to prove you can -- there are some dog training manuals out there that advise you to do that, which I don’t agree with -- it just teaches dogs to be wary of you always coming to take their things away. When we give Honey her bowl or her bone or whatever, we usually leave her alone to eat it. BUT -- we have occasionally had to pick up the bone or bowl (eg, to move her to another place to eat it) and there is never any issue with either me or Paul doing this. So I think it’s important that dogs WILL allow you to do this without growling or getting defensive.

The way we achieved this was to approach Puppy Honey when she was with her bone or chew treat or favourite toy -- with something even more amazing that she isn’t normally allowed to get (eg, human junk food!). Then we gave her the “special yummy” while simultaneously taking away her bone/treat/toy away. Then we gave her the bone/treat/toy back. Also, we used to occasionally approach her when she is eating her meals and add something extra nice to her bowl. Again, this taught her that us approaching and sticking a hand into her bowl is not a threat; in fact, it’s a bonus! We only did this a few times when she was a puppy but it gave her the idea that when we approach her to take things away from her, it’s always because we’re giving her something even better. Some people might call it “bribery” -- call it whatever you want. The point is, I’m teaching my dog to TRUST me -- that I’ll always reward her/make things nicer/better -- if she lets me do what I want. Now, we don’t always swap something when we want to take things away from Honey -- but it doesn’t matter -- it’s already imprinted in her mind that us taking things away from her is not a threat -- it is the promise of something better.

So I would really recommend that you do this with Bambi -- practise doing it when he’s got his tug toy or anything else he really likes. Don’t use physical force or “yelling” to try and make him give up his treasure to you -- be clever and “trick” him into giving it up -- and thinking that he did it willingly! That’s the advantage of us being humans and supposedly being the smarter species! And make sure that 50% of the time when you take the thing from him, give it back to him afterwards. So he thinks “Hey -- wow -- when I let Aj take my Tug toy, not only do I get this super nice extra yummy but I get my Tug toy back too! Aj is great!” This sets up a very receptive, positive frame of mind from Bambi -- so that if in future, there are a few occasions when you do need to take things off him (even without a swap handy) -- he will still give it up willingly.

* NOTE: I haven’t met Bambi so I don’t know his temperament/breeding but there are some dogs who are naturally very possessive. It is called “resource guarding” and it can become a serious issue. So if this is the case with Bambi, you may need professional help to guide you. What I am suggesting is just a general exercise to do with all puppies/young dogs but if Bambi is developing a serious resource guarding problem, then you need to seek professional help. Resource guarding is one of the most common reasons why dogs bite in the family. Yelling at or getting confrontational with a resource guarder can simply make them more aggressive. So you need to be aware of this. I am not saying this is what Bambi is -- it is impossible to really assess & advise on dog behaviour over the internet -- but you need to judge yourself how serious his behaviour is when he is challenging you, when you try to take things away from him -- and whether this behaviour is escalating. I don’t mean to scare you -- he may just be being a rebellious teenager -- but how you handle this now is important.
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3) When I talk about being “stubborn” or “tough” with my dog, I don’t mean that I must “dominate” them (such a dirty word, these days!) and squash them -- I never use force to make my dog do something -- but I still “make” Honey do things. I emphasise my leadership by always enforcing any command I give/any rule I make -- but I don’t use physical force or yelling to achieve this. I set things up so that she has no choice but to obey. I use my superior brain as a human to find a way to make her do things and essentially “obey” me -- without necessarily a confrontation. Honey has never growled at me in her life -- or challenged me in any way -- and this is NOT because she is a submissive dog at all!

I don’t know if you are already doing this with Bambi but if not, I would strongly recommend you follow the NILIF system for raising Bambi (Nothing In Life Is Free) -- Google it. This is how we raised Honey and it is a fantastic way to establish your authority over dogs without having to get confrontational. It simply means that they have to earn everything they want. It’s a very subtle but effective way of establishing your authority over the dog, without ever having to get confrontational.

As an example, when Honey was a teenager, she went through this stage when she would refuse to do a Down on hard ground. She would only do it on a soft surface. Now, you might be feeling sorry for her -- oh, poor thing, so tough on a Dane, blah-blah-blah -- and a lot of Danes end up “not being able” to do this or that, because their humans let them get away with it but I don’t make excuses for my dog if my request is reasonable. The point is, I needed her to be able to lie down on hard surfaces as well and not just on carpet. It’s not THAT much of a torture -- dogs lie on hard surfaces all the time. She had no physical handicap or any other reason that was preventing her from lying down on a hard surface -- she was just being “difficult” and pushing boundaries to see if she could get away with refusing my command. Well, I didn’t try to fight her on it -- I didn’t try to physically push her down or yell at her or keep trying to lure her with treats…what I did was for 1 week, every day when it was time for her reakfast or dinner -- I would show her the bowl and then take her outside into the garden and ask for a Down on the concrete. If she refused, she didn’t get her breakfast/dinner. It was very simple -- I wasn’t forcing her to do anything but I was giving her a choice: you want to be fed? You earn it by doing what I say. Well! You will never believe how fast Honey went into her Down! I only had to do this for 1 week but after that, I have never had trouble again with Honey refusing to lie Down on concrete. I had “won” that battle -- but it was more a battle of wits than a battle of strength. You might say that it was “bribery” -- but it doesn’t matter. Dogs don’t see it like that. All Honey knows is that I “made” her lie down on concrete in the end -- she had to bend to my will -- and that was enough for her. I also made her lie down on concrete during that week whenever she wanted something really badly (eg. her tennis ball/favourite toy) -- I would take her out to the garden and ask for a Down on the hard ground. It was only for a second -- I didn’t force her to lie there for ages -- but it was just to make my point. She couldn’t get away with refusing me. Not if she wanted all the good things in life. I control the resources therefore I am the boss.

This is just an example but this is the way I have “dominated” Honey all through her life and established my authority over her. It’s been very important for me to do this because I always knew that I am a small person and Honey was always going to outweigh me (as a 6 month old puppy, she was already the same weight as me!) -- so I had to find ways to bend her to my will but cleverly, so that she does it all willingly. People look at us and the most common question they ask is “How does such a small person like you control a dog her size?” It’s simple -- by earning her respect through clever “tricks” like this and by being a good enough leader that inspires her to want to obey me.
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I hope this clears things up a bit. I think there is a lot of misunderstanding out there with regards to being a “leader” to your dog and what that means and all the drama that goes around the words like “dominate” and “correction”. But just because I think it is fine to “tell your dog off” sometimes does not mean that I think you should use yelling and confrontation to solve problems.

Good luck, Aj -- you’re at a difficult time with Bambi but hopefully, if you remain consistent and patient, then you should get through it fine!

Hsin-Yi

Hi again, Aj -- thanks for clarifying things! And I’m sorry if I mistunderstood you -- I hope you didn’t feel that I was jumping down your throat or anything! I was just worried in case you thought I was condoning or encouraging yelling at your dog and getting into a confrontation with him.

Listening to your description, it does sound like Bambi is growling more out of excitement and play, than in aggression. You are the ultimate judge of that so you will have to see his body language when he is growling -- a serious growl with intent will often come with a “hard” look in the eyes, the muzzle wrinkled or teeth bared and the body stiff. But I trust you and your reading of Bambi -- and anyway, at 3 months, it is very unlikely that he is seriously aggressive (although there ARE some puppies who display aggression at an early stage. Honey had a Golden Retriever in her puppy class who would snarl & bite & snap at people if they didn’t do what he wanted -- and he was only 12 weeks old. He was a very unbalanced puppy with serious temperament issues).

And I forgot to mention that dogs will often vocalise in excitement and play -- and this is acceptable. Honey does this a lot and yes, she does sometimes growl when she is playing Tug with me. But she is not growing AT me -- she is just vocalising as part of the excitement of the game (I often “growl” back at her, as part of the game but it’s a play growl, not the same voice I use when I’m telling her off) -- and it is a very different type of growl plus her eyes are soft. She will also release the tug toy the minute I say so. So growling in this case -- ie. growling during the game, when you’re pulling on the tug toy -- is not a cause for concern and if you think this is what Bambi is doing, then that’s fine.

What I was talking about is if Bambi growls at you as you reach your hand forward to take something from him -- or after you have taken it away -- then that’s different. You can also tell because the body language is different -- he would be very obviously “warning you”.

If you haven’t yet, it might still be useful for you to teach Bambi a specific word that means to let go of what’s in his mouth. We used “Drop it” with Honey. It’s very useful not only for Tug but also whenever he gets anything in his mouth that you want him to spit out. It is one of the most useful commands we have taught Honey and we have used it throughout her life as an adult.

It sounds like Bambi thought the whole towel thing was a game and he was trying to play Tug with it -- also as a way to distract you and get away from being dried. Also, biting & mouthing behaviour is very normal at this age so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I know it’s really annoying but if you just persist, he will slowly grow out of it. He must see that he can’t get out of being dried just by mouthing you to distract you -- that won’t work. So if possible (and I know it can be hard with the sharp puppy teeth!) try to ignore him as best you can and just keep on drying him calmly.

I know it can be really hard when you’re worried and frustrated to stay calm -- but the more you “react”, the more you’re feeding into him. He’s like a child now who’s poking you to see if he can get a reaction out of you -- that’s how he’s testing you with all the mouthing and stuff -- so the less you react, the less satisfaction he gets from the game and the less urge to keep playing it. But definitely still use treats to reward him for letting you dry him. You won’t have to do it forever but at this stage, you are still very much teaching him that accepting things like this in his daily life will be rewarding for him and is associated with good things. You could try having a special treat that he ONLY gets after being towelled off.

I don’t think you have “damaged” your relationship with Bambi at all -- it sounds like you’re doing all the right things and are a very conscientious owner! But yeah, definitely look up the NILIF system and follow that -- it will help you a lot. But don’t feel bad if you lose your temper now and then. I have been guilty of that several times when Honey was a puppy -- so I am not judging you about the yelling. I was just trying to explain that it isn’t very useful, especially if it happens a lot -- but if it happens once in a while -- hey, we’re only human, right? You should see some of the times when I lost my temper at Honey when she was a puppy…whew! The roof of the house nearly blew off!

Hsin-Yi